


For the Grey Wardens

by BlueNerdBird



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dragon Age Spoilers, F/M, Here Lies the Abyss Spoilers, Soul-Crushing Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 11:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3935098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueNerdBird/pseuds/BlueNerdBird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alistair has been alone for ten years after the Hero of Ferelden was killed defeating the Archdemon. He meets up with the Inquisition and gets to know Hawke, the famous Champion, and the new Inquisitor. They talk of love lost, found, and of love to come. When they are lost in the fade, decisions have to be made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Warden and a Champion walk into a bar

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing, Bioware holds the rights to all the characters and whatnot, I just mess with them a bit.

It had been a few days after his arrival at Skyhold. Alistair found himself sitting at the tavern, sipping a mug of ale, trying to forget. The ale bit at his throat, and after a few drinks began to cloud his mind. With the calling in the back of his mind, memories had resurfaced.

_ Lyna teasing him, pulling him down for a kiss before running into battle. Fighting darkspawn together, her greatsword mowed them down while he watched her back, swinging his longsword and blocking with his shield. Slashing and stabbing, the clash of steel against steel and flesh. His heart pounding as he reveled in the thrill of battle, adrenaline pumping through his body. She slices the last one in half, blood splattering on her breastplate. He doesn’t care about that as he sweeps her into his arms in for a searing kiss, leaving them both breathless. It wasn’t until their companions spoke up that they parted. _

With the taste of her lips still on his mind, he took another drink. Ten years since he’d lost her to the archdemon, and the pain was still just as it had been when she had died. He heard footsteps approaching his isolated place, and looked up to see Hawke.

“No one should have to drink alone.” she said, sitting in the chair across from him.

“Thanks, but I think I need some time alone.” Alistair said, taking another drink.

“Alistair, you’ve been moody ever since we met, out with it, I can hardly take this anymore.” Hawke said, seeming a bit frustrated.

Alistair took a deep breath before starting, “You’ve heard tales of the Hero of Ferelden I assume?” he asked, and of course she nodded, “ten years ago, back when the Wardens were scattered and the Blight was growing, we traveled together. After the Battle at Ostagar, we set out to rebuild the Wardens together. It was weird at first, she was a Dalish elf, and I was a socially awkward bastard with a few abandonment issues. Needless to say there was a bit of a misunderstanding between us at first. Then… I saw this other side of her. Not the slashy bloodthirsty bit, but the belief in the beauty of the world, and a sensitivity underneath it all. We didn’t always agree, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re in love.” Hawke’s eyes widened at this part, none of the stories she had heard were told in this way, but to hear it from the source, it was unreal.

“Yes, I fell in love with the Warden, and that’s why I’m moody. She sacrificed herself for the sake of Thedas while I was left to pick up the pieces.” his voice got soft at the end, but he continued. “I’ve had a lot of time on my hands, and for a while I was almost back to normal. But the calling started, and it brought back memories and feelings I had forgotten. Whether it’s some form of torture, or Corypheus, or the Maker himself… I don’t know. I can’t get her out of my head.” Alistair put his head in his hands, running his hands through his hair. The noise in his head grew, even over the music and bustle of the tavern. Across from him, Hawke seemed guilty.

“I’m sorry, I had no idea. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost Fenris. I can’t imagine what it’s been like.” Hawke said in disbelief.

“So you have someone? That’s nice.” Alistair was finished talking about his awful life, but he figured it didn’t hurt to hear something happy. “I don’t believe I ever met your Fenris.”

“Yeah, I did that on purpose. Leave him. Not permanently! I just knew that if he knew where I was, what I was doing, he’d beg to come along, and then he’d get himself killed because of me.” she finished, a hint of sadness in her expression as well now.

“I know how that feels, trying to decide between love and your duty. In the end I chose her.”  _ I would choose her over and over no matter the outcome, _  Alistair thought to himself.

“He’s so protective over me. I know it’s just because he doesn’t want to lose me, but he knows I can hold my own. As soon as we finish up this business, I suppose I should write him a letter or something shouldn’t I?” Hawke asked, mostly to herself. Even talking about seeing Fenris again, a smile had returned to her face. Alistair looked at her sadly. He knew too well the feeling of being in love, and the way Hawke’s eyes sparked to life when she said Fenris’ name, he knew that they had a future together.

It was one of those rare kinds of love, that sparked in times of darkness, and spread light. A mutual understanding, and a fierce friendship. That’s how it always started, and he had heard it described in tales many times over. None of them did it justice however, a steady partner in battle, their warmth on a cold night, to kiss them while smiling. It was also the sting of cold nights in an empty bed, the lonely trek from place to place, a hand grasping on empty air.

Hawke broke him of his reverie. “So did she have the weird elvish habits too? I just noticed that Fenris has… quirks that I’ve never seen any human have.” Alistair laughed, he knew what she was referring to.

“Where do I start? I know Lyna used to have this thing where she would stretch like a cat, every morning without fail. I’m not just talking back stretches, but like bending over her back and all these weird poses…” he broke off laughing.

“Yes! Fenris does that too, at first I thought he was trying to be funny, the first time he stayed until morning. He just got up and started stretching in all these weird ways, when I asked him about it he was embarrassed, but I just laughed.” Hawke said, a smile returning to her face.

“And she had an unhealthy attachment to her dog, I swear the thing was almost twice her size, and her sword! She swung it around like it weighed nothing!” Alistair raved, Hawke’s eyes widened.

“She fought with a greatsword? So does Fenris! How odd is that…” Hawke said, getting lost in her thoughts. She was glad to have talked to him, all her happy memories with Fenris returning to mind. The bad ones too, but the good ones were stronger.

_ The sunshine poured through her window. Last night she had reconciled with Fenris after he defeated Danarius. She felt his body wrapped around hers, the tips of his ears poking into her forearm that stretched behind his head. Little breaths heated the crook of her shoulder, and one of her hands was tangled in his white hair. She moved her head to look at his face, the sunlight lit his hair like a halo, and his face was utterly at peace. His nightmares were no secret, they practically knew everything about each other, but it seemed as if he wasn’t having any at the moment. _

_ As if on cue, his eyes slowly opened slightly to see her. She expected him to panic and vanish like last time, but instead he smiled and moved his head towards hers, pressing his lips against hers lightly. _

_ “Morning.” _

“I think I see the inquisitor over there…” Alistair said, breaking her away from her memories.

“Oh yeah, I think it is her.” Hawke said, turning around to look.

“Maker, she looks a lot like Lyna.” Alistair remarked. He had noticed that when they first met in the smuggler’s cave, but he saw it once again in the low light of the tavern, a smile on her face as she talked with the huge Qunari. The way her short red hair framed her face, and her smile showed the top row of teeth, just like Lyna’s did.

Hawke looked at him with sympathy, unsure of what to say. He waved her off with his hand.

“Can you tell me about Lyna? If you can’t that’s ok, I just hear all the stories…” Hawke said, genuinely curious. Alistair took another deep breath, and another swig of ale before talking.

“Like I said before, she was one of the Dalish. She told me that she was exploring the forest with her friend when she found a mirror. The mirror gave her the taint and killed her friend. Duncan then recruited her for the Wardens, and that’s how we met.”

“At first she was hostile and called me an ‘idiot,’ but at the time she was suffering from the taint, so I could hardly blame her for her actions. Later, we got to know each other well. We were friends first, then things started to change.”

“We went to the Temple of Sacred Ashes, and we were dancing around each other. I knew I liked her by then, and I was starting to think she did too. We weren’t together, but we flirted and danced around it…” Alistair looked away and stared into the wall behind her in remembrance “We were so close, then this spirit, or whatever he was, showed us things. There was a projection of her friend that had died, I had to kill an evil version of her, and she killed one of me. It was awful, and when we got back to camp with the ashes, it seemed like she had changed her mind, or so I thought.”

“On the way back to Redcliffe she almost back to normal, we had talked about what happened, with her friend and what not. Maker I remember it still, the first time she kissed me. She was upset over it all, but we went on a walk later and I learned she had feelings for me as well, thank the Maker Morrigan hadn’t been there to spoil the moment.”

“But our return to Redcliffe was when we learned the Arl wanted to make me king. Me! I said no way, but it really seemed to bother Lyna. I asked her about it that night, and she just shrugged it off.”

“We went to get all the soldiers to fight against the Blight then. Our relationship progressed after her kiss, and well… I don’t have to go into too much detail do I? It almost broke me when she sacrificed herself, but I knew I had to keep going and rebuild the Wardens, so I did. In her honor of course.” Alistair finished, taking a huge gulp to finish off his mug. He waved and ordered another drink, one for him and Hawke.

“Alright I’ve told you my story, now tell me more about Fenris, it’s only fair right?” Alistair asked, the ale now beginning to affect his speech, which had a slight slur to it.

“Sure, why not. He’d kill me if he knew about me telling you, but I suppose if he were to have killed someone it would have been Varric for writing that bloody book of his.” She took a moment and started over.

“Fenris and I met through a job, well, I don’t know how to call it that. He conned a merchant into hiring us to clean out a safe, turns out the only thing there was a group of smugglers. We killed them off and that’s when he came out, saying that he was being followed, and needed some help.”

“Afterwards he wanted us to search this mansion for his former master… Oh yeah, I should probably mention he was an escaped slave from Tevinter.” Alistair let out a huff of air that sounded like a laugh “So we did, but he wasn’t there. Fenris agreed to come along with me however, which I was glad about. I had heard stories about that place, and Fenris sounded like he was not in a good spot.”

“A while later we went to the Deep Roads. I took him, my friend Anders and Bethany. I almost took Merrill, but my sister really wanted to come along. Merrill was one of the Dalish as well.” Alistair broke her off briefly.

“Not… Merrill from Clan Sabrae? Lyna sometimes spoke of her friend within her clan with the same name, I wonder…”

“You know, it could have been! Merrill once said that she knew this elf who went on to save the world… Andraste’s ass I think you’re right!” Hawke exclaimed, slamming her hand on the table in disbelief.

“Ok, back to the story. We went there, we were betrayed, and we got stuck in this old tomb. My sister became sick with the blight, but luckily we found some Wardens to initiate her, apparently that heals her somehow. We eventually got out though, and then a lot of things happened after that. I’ll try and shorten it though. Things kept building between Fenris and I, we flirted and one night it was too much, and he stayed the night. Afterwards however, he claimed that his memories had come back, and he didn’t want a relationship until his master was dead. Broke my heart, but what other choice did I have?”

“The next few years, yes years, were more awkward than anything else I’ve known, but then he came to me with a letter from his sister, who wanted to meet him. He was also the product of that magister’s experiments, and in one of them he had lyrium burned into his skin and lost all his memories.”

“Well he wanted me to come with him, and how could I refuse? He has these big green eyes and puppy face that he  _ totally  _ uses to get me to do things for him. So we went to meet her, and we ended up meeting her and his old master.”

“There was a huge fight and Fenris killed him, I was so proud.” Hawke smiled at this, “and then his sister escaped, she may have led him to Fenris but I couldn’t let him kill her. We met up at his mansion later, talked about what happened, then made up. For three hours. Then again that night.” Hawke said with another laugh, Alistair chuckled a bit.

“Even after the events at Kirkwall he stayed by my side, we had talked about marriage, but none of the Chantries we found would marry a human and an elf, so we kept running. If I survive this and go back to him, I hope he’ll be able to forgive me. I want… to get married to him. Even if no Chantry will do it I don’t bloody care.” Hawke finished bitterly with a swig from her drink.

Alistair looked fondly at her, they did have a lot in common, more than he had realized. It made him miss Lyna more, but he found himself coming to terms with it again. He realized that the calling had gotten quieter during his conversation with Hawke, and he felt himself smile for that.

“Look at that, I got the grumpy Warden to smile.” Hawke said mirthfully.

“Yes you did, why don’t we invite our dear Inquisitor over here for a drink, shall we?” Alistair asked with another drink, feeling warmth cloud his thoughts. He watched as Hawke waved at the inquisitor, and he felt his throat tighten.

She came over to where they sat and pulled up a chair. “It’s good to see you two, how’s it going?” she asked, clearly a little shy in the presence of the Champion of Kirkwall and the famous Alistair.

“Pretty good Alistair and I were just talking about…”

“Lyna.” Alistair said in a small voice, looking at the inquisitor.

“I’m sorry?”

“She looked like you. The Hero she… Maker I’ve had too much ale.” Alistair shook his head with a strange laugh.

“Yes, the Hero of Ferelden, she was a Dalish elf wasn’t she?”

Alistair nodded, his head bobbing a little more than he intended.

“How much ale have you had Alistair?” Hawke said, trying to contain her laughter.

“I think, ten?” he said, before taking another large gulp.

“Okaaay.. That’s enough drinking for our Warden.” Hawke said, moving the ale away from his reach.

“So were you two talking about the Hero of Ferelden before?” the inquisitor, Camina, asked.

“Well yes and no, Alistair and I were swapping stories about our love lives. Care to contribute? I’m sure as an all-powerful Inquisitor you must have suitors dropping at your feet.” Hawke laughed when the younger woman blushed red, matching her vallaslin.

“I.. um… not quite…” she stammered, she hadn’t expected a conversation quite like this.

“It’s alright, you’re still young.”

“I’m 25.”

“You’re still young, you have time. Plus men love the whole hero thing, trust me.” Hawke said, relishing in teasing her. Her innocence and awkwardness reminded her of Bethany.

“I’ve heard rumors about your inner circle, what about your dashing commander? I’ve heard he’s quite a steal.” she teased, but it was true. From what she had heard around Skyhold, their comments (mostly female) about how handsome the commander was. Then again, she had heard comments about their diplomat and spymaster as well, from both women and men.

“I...I..I.. don’t know what you mean.” Camina said, feigning innocence, her normally calm and soothing tone cracked with insecurity. Hawke hadn’t expected to hit it right on the mark the first time, and she just laughed. Across the table, Alistair had his head propped up on his hand, his eyes drooping.

“Well looks like someone is getting a little sleepy. We should probably get him somewhere he can sleep.” Hawke said, observing the Warden.

“We’ve got a big day tomorrow. Full of planning and whatnot, we leave for Adamant soon. We’ll get to the bottom of this Warden problem soon, I promise you that.” Camina said, looking at the crest on Alistair’s chest. Hawke was worried for him, she didn’t know what kind of danger they faced, and if the calling continued to get worse… She pushed the thought away.

“You said there’s a room upstairs right? I think we can carry him up there.” Hawke said, looking Alistair who was now passed out at the table.

Hawke noticed how troubled he looked, even in sleep. There was no hiding the bags under his eyes, or the wrinkles beside his eyes, present while his expression remained neutral. She knew even now he would be able to hear the calling in his sleep.

“I can get him to his room, you get some sleep. Like you said, we have a big day tomorrow.” Hawke said, looping Alistair’s arm over her shoulder and hoisting him up on his feet.

She had a bad feeling in her chest about what was to come.

  
  



	2. In the Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor leads Hawke, Alistair, and her companions in the Fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit shorter than the first part of the story, this part has a bit more action. I considered just having it all in one part, but I think it will be easier to read this way, split into parts. Also, all content that is quoted from the game belongs to Bioware, I own nothing.

They ran. Hawke danced around the shades with her daggers, Alastair cut through them with his sword, and the inquisitor fought with her daggers as well. From behind them, Dorian bolstered them with spells, Varric rained arrows with Bianca and Cassandra bashed the beasts with her shield.

“We’re getting closer, I can see our way out!” Camina called, leading their party to the green fade rift. From the green fog surrounding them, rose a creature as big as a high dragon. It crept out with enormous legs and terrifying insect noises. It was a giant spider-like creature, but much more terrifying.

“How do we get by?” Alistair asked, looking up at the beast.

It snarled and hissed in response, waiting for them to make a move. Hawke stepped forward.

“Go, I’ll cover you.” she stated, a determined look in her eyes. Alistair immediately interjected.

“No. You were right, the Wardens started this. A Warden must…” Hawke cut him off.

“A Warden must help them rebuild. That’s your job. Corypheus is mine.” she spat the last part, her voice full of anger at his actions.

“I can’t let you! The other night you talked about Fenris, I won’t let you leave him!” Alistair said, but he wasn’t finished “I lost Mahariel many years ago, I have nothing left, please let me do this for you.” his voice was pleading as he directed the last part to Camina.

“Alistair.” Camina said quietly. Alistair nodded, and took a last look at Hawke. She was desperate, she didn’t want to see him go, but she knew his time had come.

“Right. Good luck. I’ll keep it off you!” he said, and broke their gazes, turning to the beast. He ran towards it without fear, knowing that this would be his last stand.

“For the Wardens!” he shouted, and began to fight, and he saw Hawke and Camina run past the beast. The creature raised over his head, teeth bared in his direction.

“For Mahariel.” he said with his last breath, hearing the breach close behind them.

With each strike he felt her presence return to him. The feel of his hands in her hair, her lips on his, his arms wrapped around hers. He felt the emptiness she left behind, and cried out with each strike to the beast.

_ “Alistair, do you want to take a walk?” she asked in that enticing voice of hers. Alistair knew this was her way of wanting to talk in private, and who was he to say no? _

_ He walked beside her in the quiet forest. The birds were silent, the only sound was the quiet noise of frogs in a nearby pond. The stars shone over them, a bright moon shining down on them in a mysterious glow. _

_ “Alistair…” _

_ “Lyna…” they both said at the same time, and Alistair let out a nervous laugh. _

_ “You start.” he said, and she smiled back at him. _

_ “Okay. I have been thinking about the nature of our friendship…” Lyna started, Alistair felt his heart race. _

_ “And?” _

_ “I want to change it.” his heart dropped, she didn’t want to even be friends with him anymore? Lyna must have seen his heartbroken expression. _

_ “No lethallan, I want more.” she said, taking a step closer to him. Her gaze was intense, and he felt himself moving closer to her. Their lips met in a flurry of excitement and pent-up feelings. He had wanted this for so long, and to finally be connected to her, he let his hand slip up into her hair and use it to angle her lips towards his. _

_ They broke off briefly to take a breath, but it was only for a moment before their lips met again, craving it like a starving man at a feast. One of her hands went around his back and the other went to his shoulder, getting a better angle at his lips. The longer she kissed him, the more she opened up to him. A small sound escaped her throat when his tongue met hers, and in her excitement she teased him with it. She pressed her body up against him, and him to her, the closeness was not enough. _

_ His fingernails scratched the back of her head underneath her hair and she backed him against a tree. She had wanted this for so long. Danger loomed over them, and neither was guaranteed to survive the Blight, and every day may have been their last. _

_ Alistair was the first to break off, leaning his head against hers as his hot breath fell on her lips. She was overwhelmed by this surge of emotions, and she wrapped her arms around him for security. She needed him to get through this, there was no way she could do it alone. _

_ He could hardly breathe. She had literally taken his breath from him, and he wanted to do nothing else now that he knew what it was like. His concerns earlier about his claim to the throne were forgotten, his fears of failing to rebuild the Grey Wardens. He forgot them all in her embrace, choosing to instead lay his head on top of hers and stroke her back softly. They were both worried, but they were stronger together than they ever were apart. _

Alistair swung again at the creature, strange juices splattered his face as he tore another gash in it. He blocked an attack with his shield and fought back again. He knew he could fight this thing. To beat it however, it would require more than just himself.

_ “Are you sure Cuddles has to stay in the tent?” Alistair asked, covering himself with the blanket as the monstrous mabari cuddled up to Lyna. _

_ “It’s raining ma vhenan, I’m not going to let him freeze out there.” _

_ “He takes up half the tent!” _

_ She shut him up by leaning over and kissing him gently. That didn’t keep the pout off of his face however, and it didn’t break her resolve. _

_ “I mean it.” she said, giving Cuddles an affectionate scratch behind the ears. _

_ “Fine. I guess he can just for tonight.” _

His strength was failing, he knew that it wouldn’t be long now. The calling in his ears got louder still.

“ _ I love you.” she said, mindlessly running her fingers through his hair. His eyes shot open, had he heard her correctly? _

_ “You… me?” Were the only two words he could string together, opening and closing his mouth repeatedly. Her eyes were questioning, and the words fell from his lips. _

_ “I love you Lyna.” Alistair felt his whole face go red, he hadn’t meant to say it like that, of course he meant it but… _

_ She sealed the deal with a kiss, warm and loving. With her body curled into his, her soft lips tracing his, Alistair finally knew what it meant to have a home, and how it was to be truly happy. _

The calling rang in his ears, growing louder by the second as her voice returned. Just as sweet and gentle as he remembered.

_ “It’s time for you to come home.” _

Alistair knew that it was his time. He repeated the motto that every Grey Warden learned when he had first joined the order.

“In peace, vigilance.” he took a stab at the creature, making it howl.

“In war, victory.” this time he gouged an eye, but it was only one of many.

“In death, sacrifice.” he concluded, the creature’s jaws coming closer, until Alistair let the darkness take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters right off the bat, but the third will come soon. It will be hard to write, but I have a good idea as to what's going in it. Again, you can find more of my writing and ramblings on my tumblr, bluenerdberd. My apologies if there are any errors in this, I was really excited about this idea, so it won't take me long to finish the last part.


	3. All Was Right with the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected visitor leads to an interesting evening at Skyhold. Years after all of it, something very unexpected happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing, Bioware does. I simply play with them. Apologies if anyone finds this a bit choppy, I had a bunch of ideas for several different pairings, and I also wanted to include the canon lore surrounding Thedas and the world of Dragon Age, so there will be that. This is the last part to this story, but it's not to say I might not write one-shots in the future.

“I’m planning to leave for Weisshaupt tomorrow.” Hawke said to Camina.

“So soon? We’ve only been back a week.” she replied, admiring the courtyard. They were walking through the garden together after Hawke had said she wanted to talk.

“Yes well someone has to help clean up the mess he left behind.” her face showed no signs of sadness, but her voice was deflated when she mentioned him.

“It’s because of him that we are alive, I suppose that’s a pretty good cause to go help them. Some of the Wardens have arrived at Skyhold already, but I think we may be expecting more soon.” Camina said, gently running her fingers along a white flower.

“He was never happy here. Anyone could see that, and it was his time. I will miss him dearly, for the short time we knew each other, but I like to think he’s with her now.” Hawke said, looking up at the sky, clouds dotted across the sky.

“I will as well. I didn’t know him well, but it’s always hard to see someone… save you… and not make it out.” Camina said sadly. They hadn’t lost Alistair for more than a week, but his loss was felt by many. The grief still hadn’t settled for Camina or Hawke.

“A feeling I know all too well. I don’t talk about it much, but I was in Lothering when the Blight hit. I was with my mother, brother, and sister. We were running, and while we could fight off most of them pretty well, we ran into this ogre. Massive thing. Took him two seconds to finish off my brother. Would have killed the rest of us, but my sister and I work well together, as did our companion that fought with us.” Camina looked sympathetically at Hawke, but she brushed it off.

“It happened many years ago. I would do anything to see my brother again, but I know that he is not suffering. We’ve all experienced loss. I think the best thing we can do is just honor their memory.” Camina was surprised. Most of the time she saw Hawke as tough and witty, but there was pain beyond measure just underneath the surface. This was not the Hawke that was in Varric’s tales, and she suddenly seemed much more like a person. She knew that Hawke was superior to her in age, probably early thirties, and she acted like it. Hawke was years ahead of Camina, and she took what she said, knowing that those words may be important in the future.

“Inquisitor!” a man came running up to the two of them, clearly in distress. “There’s an attacker, he knocked out three of the guards, we have him in custody.” Camina looked to Hawke in worry.

“I’ll be right there.” she addressed the soldier “We can talk later Hawke.” she nodded back in acceptance.”

Camina followed the soldier into the main hall, where she could hear a lot of yelling.

“Everyone calm down! What’s going on?” she called over the yelling, pushing her way through the crowd. In the middle, she saw five guards, all pinning down one man.

“There’s a situation Inquisitor, this man barged through the gates, barking demands, and when a few of our men tried to stop him from going mad, he knocked them out with the hilt of his sword. Didn’t kill any of them though.”

The men got off the man, who had his hands and feet bound. From what Camina could see, he resembled a savage beast, not far from those in the forest where her clan traveled. She could hear him snarling, his armor in sorry shape, and his posture was that of an animal posed to strike. His green eyes were alive with power, and his white hair was wild from scrabbling with her soldiers.

“So you’re the Inquisitor.” he snarled, straining against his ties.

“Yes I am. Who are you?” Camina asked, stepping closer to the strange man.

“It does not matter. I’ll ask your deaf men one more time. Where is she?” he turned to a soldier who cowered in fear. He spoke quietly.

“Didn’t you mean the Inquisitor?” Camina felt sorry for him, he seemed ready to wet himself.

“No, perhaps you misheard me. I was asking for…” and he stopped. His eyes flickered behind Camina, and she saw them soften. The animalistic nature of his stance faded, and he stood there, his mouth slightly ajar. The furious demeanor changed instantly, and for a second he said nothing. Then it slipped out, the word said like a prayer.

“Hawke?”

Camina was confused, then she turned around and saw Hawke with the gentlest expression she had ever seen. She walked slowly towards the restrained man, as if walking through a dream.

“It’s you. You’re here.” she said softly, her eyes not leaving his.

“You left.” he said, his voice one of defeat. The sound of someone who had barely been holding it together for months. 

“I had to.” she said, moving closer still.

“You left me alone. I thought you were dead.” he spat at her feet. She was now just feet from him. The anger returned to his voice, he clearly wasn’t as willing to forgive her.

“He has to be stopped, you know this.” her voice was as soft as before, never changing. They had an audience, all of the guests and the soldiers left all watched with curiosity.

“Were you even planning on coming back? You never wrote. I only heard from Varric last week telling me where you were.” he said, furious. His anger was different from before, less animosity, but there was more hurt in his eyes. The hurt of betrayal. The anger from before began to return, and Camina had her soldiers at the ready just in case.

“Of course I was. I knew that if you were here you would kill yourself to protect me. I couldn’t lose you.” she said, bringing a hand up to brush hair from his cheek. Whether he meant to or not, he leaned into her touch, closing his eyes while her hand caressed the side of his head.

“Please don’t do it again.” he said softly. Camina was close enough to hear it, but she knew anyone farther out wouldn’t have heard it.

“I won’t. We stay together after this, I promise.” she said, leaning her forehead against his. Camina felt immensely awkward at the intimacy of the moment. She averted her eyes as Hawke leaned in and gave him a brief kiss.

“Inquisitor, I would really appreciate it if you could release my fiance. I apologize on his behalf regarding your men, and I hope that you will not judge him harshly.” Hawke said, mindlessly smoothing his hair with her hand. “I take full responsibility for his actions, and I can guarantee that we will be out of your hair by tomorrow morning.”

Camina intended to take action previously, and while she was frustrated about her men, she couldn’t condemn this man. Not after learning who he is, and how much Hawke cared for him. She nodded to her soldiers, and one brave man went and nervously cut the ties around his hands and feet. The second he was free, Fenris wrapped his arms around Hawke, pulling her close to him.

If many of the guests had been looking before, even more now averted their gaze from the couple, while others stared in dismay. Camina looked closer at the man, and saw points on the tips of his ears, ones that matched her own. She remembered then, the tale of Hawke and her Elvhen lover, Fenris.

Camina watched as Hawke took his hand and led him away from prying eyes. She felt her heart swell for the couple. No doubt they had some issues to work out, but she had faith that they would be able to work it out. She suddenly remembered something, a piece of conversation she overheard while Hawke was talking with Alistair. It had stuck with her at the time, being an elf, and it had been troubling her ever since.

“Hawke! Wait a moment.” Camina called, catching up to the couple. “The other night, in the bar, you said that no Chantry would marry you and Fenris because of the interracial status correct?” Hawke looked surprised, and Fenris glared at her. Camina started to wonder whether she should have opened her mouth at all.

“Yes.” Hawke said, unsure of where this was going.

“I believe I could arrange something for the two of you.” Camina said, knowing that afterwards she would owe Mother Giselle a huge favor.

 

\-----

 

Hawke could hardly believe it. She had heard the Inquisitor promise her that she would marry her and Fenris, but it didn’t hit her until she saw him there, dressed in some extra clothes. Fenris stood in front of a beautiful window, dressed in an ill-fitting formal getup. She was wearing some less-than-formal gown from Camina, that she felt was too small as she walked.

None of that mattered. All that existed for her was Varric’s hand on her arm as she walked towards her fiance. No, her  _ husband _ . After years of Chantry’s denying them marriage, saying their differences, his elfy-ness and her human-ness, made for an impure marriage. She always thought it was bullshit, but she couldn’t bring herself to be angry anymore.

As she got closer, she saw Fenris smiling. Not the awkward forced smile he sometimes had before, but a smile that was small, but reached his eyes. She relished in the feeling of happiness swelling within her, the way her eyes became moistened as their eyes were locked, and she saw them forming in his eyes as well.

It was to be noted that she could hear Varric already sobbing from beside her. She looked at him for a moment, giving him a smile so big her eyes crinkled and her teeth showed. He was one of her oldest and best friends, and it was to him that she owed everything. He cried harder, trying to hide it. She was just barely keeping herself together, all the memories rushing back to her, of how much she had gone through to reach this moment.

The death of her father, brother, and mother. Her sister leaving for the Wardens. Whether she was alive, Hawke still did not know. These two men were all she had left, after all her companions have left for other things. She knew that she could be strong, now that Fenris and her had pledged not to leave each other. There was no way she could bring herself to leave him, not after this night.

Overhead, the soft moonlight shone through the windows, casting a dim, earthly glow around them. She went to stand next to him, not before hugging Varric, who had tried to quiet his crying. The minute she turned to Fenris, her mind drew blank.

Everything else seemed to disappear, and she lost herself in him. The loving gaze he shared with her, the pure joy radiating off of them both, and the healing of the ache of his absence. It had hurt, and she remembered almost sacrificing herself for Alistair. Her eyes flashed briefly with panic, she had almost allowed herself to get killed, she had been shortsighted. Yes it may have been necessary, but at what cost?

Fenris noticed this, and his hand reached up and she felt a thumb trace her cheek gently. Hawke refocused her eyes and saw him looking worriedly at her. She vaguely heard the Revered Mother that was officiating, and she gave him an apologetic look, one that said that they would talk later.

It had all happened so fast, but the feeling of Fenris tracing her cheek calmed her. She felt herself grounded once more, melting under his touch. She heard the Revered Mother ask them:

“Do you take each other to be joined in the eyes of the Maker?”

“Yes.” Hawke and Fenris said at the same time, both of them glowing, one more literally than the other.

“From this day on, you are married to one another in the eyes of the Maker and his bride, and of all of his children. Together you are as one, as I pronounce you husband and wife.” she barely finished talking before Hawke wrapped her arms around Fenris and their lips met for a kiss, better than any other that Hawke had shared with him before. It was full of pain and suffering they both had in their lives, but it was also filled with happiness and joy, but above all else, a love that had kept them together through the impossible. Hawke heard clapping in the distance, but all she cared about was the strong arms around her waist, and the content feeling in her chest.

The kiss between them was familiar territory, but months away had left Hawke craving his touch, and she pulled back while she knew she still could. There would be time for that and much more later, and she grinned against his lips. She heard him hum quietly, so that only she could hear his impatience, and keep socializing to a minimum before they retired for the night.

Varric was the first one to come up to them, wrapping his arms around both their midsections, his short height leaving him at a disadvantage.

“You crazy kids, I can hardly believe it. I know I was hesitant at first, but I’m glad it worked out. You and Broody make a good couple.” Varric said, and Hawke could tell he was holding back even more tears.

“We’ll write you all the time Varric, just keep yourself safe. I heard this Inquisition’s a dangerous business.” Hawke said fondly. Fenris gave her a strange look, adding to his earlier suspicions, but kept his thoughts to himself.

“Yeah, well it’s not bad group. Bit different than the Kirkwall crowd, but at least this time there’s only one crazy bastard.” Varric said with a laugh. Hawke chuckled with him, realizing how much she was going to miss his company.

“As I remember there were at least three, the Arishok, Meredith, and Orsino. Unless there were others I missed.” Fenris added.

“Yeah they were all a pain in the ass.” Hawke said, shaking her head at the memories. “I’ll miss you Varric, maybe after all of this we can meet up again.” she said hopefully.

“I’ll miss you and Broody both, if we survive this the first thing I’m gonna want is a drink.” he said. “See you around Hawke, Fenris. Have fun with married life!”

They were both greeted by many of the Inquisitor’s companions, none of which Hawke knew very well. There was one however, that looked like he came from Tevinter. His skin was tanned, and she quickly steered Fenris away from him, giving the man an apologetic look. If he was affiliated with the Inquisition she knew he wasn’t bad, but a conflict like that was not what they needed at the moment. What Hawke wanted was to go make up for months of lonely nights, but she wanted to at least talk to Camina.

“Hello Hawke.” Camina said, finding Hawke.

“Camina, I can’t thank you enough for this, it’s more than I could have asked for.” Hawke said, truly grateful for her help.

“It was no trouble, I owe it to my advisors to empty out all the guests for the evening, but I knew this meant a lot to you, getting married I mean.”

“I thank you Inquisitor, this wedding has long since been little more than a wish for us, your hospitality is greatly appreciated.” Fenris said in a formal tone. Hawke squeezed his hand, proud of him for being nice to the Inquisitor.

“Think of this as an apology for earlier, if we’d have known I don’t think my men would have…” Camina was cut off mid sentence.

“I was irrational, and I was unsure of what happened to Hawke.” Fenris said again, Hawke just beamed at him, this civil side of Fenris was still new to her. Perhaps it was the wedding, but she felt even more love for him, if that was possible.

“Well you two are welcome in Skyhold any time, should you need it. Hawke, I know that Alistair would have wanted this for you, I can only imagine him watching this and celebrating too.” Camina said, trying not to make Hawke sad, but rather share her feelings on the matter.

Hawke was silent for a moment. It was true, one of the last things he had said to her was to be with Fenris, so she felt happier for it.

“Thank you Camina. I hope we meet again someday.” Hawke said. She fully intended to talk more with the guests, but she could feel Fenris gravitating away from the crowd, his hand on her back venturing lower. She thought it best to escape the crowd before things got any more heated.

They walked out into the courtyard and up the steps to a guest room. At the top, Hawke looked up at the stars. They were bright that night, the brightest were two stars next to each other, shining down from above. Hawke smiled at them, with the knowledge that Alistair was in a better place.

Her thoughts were brought to a halt as she felt Fenris’ lips meet at the crook of her neck and shoulder. She leaned her head to the side so he could get better access, and his hand wrapped around her back, pulling her in close. She giggled as he used the other hand to pull at the strap of her dress, his breath hot against her neck.

When she turned around to face him however, his hands disappeared, and she felt them again at the back of her knees and around her back as he swept her up bridal style. She giggled as he peppered her face with kisses.

“Fenris… our room…” she managed out, her breath hitching when his kisses became more heated.

“Right.” he said, fumbling his way through the dark, finally finding the door that led to their room. Hawke laughed again as he dropped her on the bed, his body moving to cover hers. His hands trailed up her waist and toward her chest.

“Fenris get the door, we don’t need anyone walking in on us now do we?” she said, blissfully happy. He made a disgusted noise, and continued familiarizing himself again with Hawke, moving his hand to remove her dress. He had waited too long for this, and he was starving for her touch, after fasting for months.

She finally resorted to getting up herself, rolling over him in a not-so-graceful maneuver that almost left her on the floor. Hawke wasted no time in slamming the door shut.

 

\-----

 

“That really was quite sweet.” Camina said, finding herself helping Cullen rearrange the main hall.

“I agree, it’s easy to forget about such things in dark times.” Cullen helped Camina lift the throne back into place.

“Yeah, I must say, Fenris and Hawke seemed very eager to leave.” Camina chuckled. While talking to them earlier, she noticed that they were quite distracted, and were more interested in each other.

“Well I don’t blame them, waiting so long to get married must have been rough. Then again you don’t see many couples between an elf and a human.” Cullen said, his face blushing slightly.

“Yeah. It was quite taboo in our clan, I can’t say as I knew anyone that had married a human personally, but my older brother said that before I was born, when he was a kid there was a man from our clan who fell in love with a shemlen woman. He was banished from the clan, but my brother said that he looked at her the same way our Dad looked at our Mom. I’ve never understood why there is such a stigma against interracial marriage.” she said, slyly looking at Cullen to gauge his reaction.

“I agree. While training to be a Templar they don’t exactly preach tolerance, but I suppose I’ve always wondered. Would I be content if I were to fall for a woman of a different race? The trouble is convincing others of it. I think my views would be different back in Kirkwall, but…” Cullen stole a glance at her while her back was turned. “Things have changed.”

She felt herself blush at the last part. Had he been talking about her? Camina had acknowledged her own feelings for the Commander, but now she raised the question of whether he felt the same. Was this his way of telling her that he doesn’t care if she is an elf?

“I love my clan dearly, but I also know that they are very strict in their beliefs. I didn’t realize how much… prejudice there was against elves until I left my clan. Many don’t look at my kind with fondness.” Camina said, reaching up to touch her vallaslin.

Cullen strode over to her, sensing her discomfort. She had never mentioned how different her life was, how much discrimination she had likely faced. He cursed his own ignorance of it, and couldn’t help himself when he reached up to take her hand, accidentally brushing against the markings.

“I think they’re beautiful.” Cullen said softly. Her breath hitched. She had a sudden thought however, yes she had feelings for him, but the Inquisition had to come first. Destroying Corypheus and uniting a nation, that was her mission. Would people look down on the Inquisition if they learned of an affair between her and Cullen? She saw him move closer to her, but she panicked. They couldn’t do this, not right now. Not when so much was at stake.

Cullen saw her frightened expression, and sighed. He had thought it was worth a shot anyway.

“I apologize Inquisitor, I must have misread your intentions.” she felt her chest constrict as he stiffened and slipped into the formality they had to maintain. She wanted to tell him, Creators know she did, but they couldn’t, there was too much at risk. Her heart was crying out at her to do something, seeing him turn to walk away, she acted impulsively.

“You did not misread my intentions.” she said softly. Camina feared he did not hear her, but her words echoed in the empty hall. This stopped him, and he turned around.

“So.. you do? Uh... care for...me?” Cullen stammered, his face turning bright red. Camina was raging a war within her head.

_ “You are the Inquisitor!” _

_ “No, you’re just a normal person having normal feelings for someone!” _

_ “Your first obligation is to the people that you are trying to save!” _

_ “But what is the use in denying your feelings? It’s not like you can switch them off with the press of a button.” _

“Yes.” Camina said, her heart speaking out on her behalf. “But I worry. If we were to… Would this lead to a scandal? The Dalish Inquisitor and the Commander?” she left the words for him to ponder. Her cards were laid out on the table, there was no going back now.

“I… hadn’t thought about that.” he said, his reasoning returning to him. Of course she would have remembered that, it was why they had started talking in the first place.

“I want to, believe me.” Camina said, taking another step toward him. “But I worry that a scandal like that would work against us, rumor would spread and we would lose credibility! It’s like you said, you don’t see a lot of human and elf couples.” she finished, her heart sinking with each word.

“Maybe you’re right. But what if something were to happen. I couldn’t… I want to at least give it a chance.” Cullen said, brushing part of her hair behind her ear.

Every instinct in her was going off. All her lessons when she was younger of how elves didn’t mix with humans. They weren’t meant to be together. It was the humans who enslaved the elves. She banished them. She was allowed to make her own decisions about what is right and wrong, and her clan had no place in brainwashing her to think that way.

With that in her mind, she pulled Cullen’s shoulders down and met his lips with hers. Her mouth moved against his tentatively. She fought against the doubts in her mind, losing herself in his touch. Her parents’ words echoed in her mind:  _ “When you return from the Conclave, we have been talking with that hunter, Feyven, he is very fond of you. We think it is in your best interest to accept his proposal upon your return. Love is not necessary for a marriage Camina, and you are not getting younger. We just want you to be happy.” _

Camina pulled back, her heart pounding. She couldn’t do this, she had to put the Inquisition first. This was not a decision to be made impulsively. She looked up and saw Cullen with a defeated expression.

“I understand. Just, let me know if you change your mind.”

Watching him leave was hard, but it was even harder once she had retired to her own room, alone with her thoughts.

 

\-----

 

Hawke was awoken by fire. Not literal fire, but rather one in her stomach. It ripped her apart in agony, the child was coming. They tried for over a year before conceiving a child, and now it was coming and it  _ hurt. _

“Fenris! You bastard wake up!” she yelled, groaning in pain. Fenris shot out of bed and had his arms around her in seconds.

“What…?” he asked, panicking slightly.

“Fenris…  _ uughh… _ It’s happening.” his eyes widened in realization. He lept out of bed, grabbing her a nightgown and helping her into it. They were in a small town just on the outskirts of Nevarra, taking refuge while Hawke was pregnant.

Fenris helped her out of bed. They had been meeting with the midwife in the village for about a week, knowing that her nine months was almost up. It had been a long journey leading to this moment, they had not had much luck. The moment finally arrived, and Fenris was panicking. He knew nothing of parenting, and neither did Hawke. They both wanted it badly, but to have it happen was simply unreal.

He had his arm around her shoulders supporting her as they arrived at the midwife’s house. Hawke cried next to him, her pain only getting worse by the second. Fenris wasted no time in banging on her door, trying to soothe his wife.

“What? What is it?” the midwife said as she opened the door.

“Please, my wife… the baby is coming.” Fenris pleaded, his voice almost breaking. Hawke was in pain and he could do nothing about it. This woman was his only chance. She had been skeptical of them when they had first met, being a mixed couple, but she remained quiet about the matter. They were both immensely grateful for that.

“Alright, come in then. I’ll get everything set up.” she said, welcoming Fenris and Hawke inside. Fenris watched her leave to get supplies while he led Hawke to the bed. He kissed her swiftly, giving her the reassurance that she would need. His hand caressed the side of her face.

“Be strong Marian, you can do this.” he said, touching his forehead to hers. She loved him for that, his resolve in this. She knew he was scared of what to come, but she knew that they could do it together.

“I love you Fenris.” she managed, her voice choked up with pain.

“I love you too.” he said.

The next hours were agonizing for Hawke. Contractions came and went, at first they were spread apart, and there were moments where she thought something was wrong, but then they would hit again. She emptied her stomach more than a few times, and then the contractions became more frequent.

Hawke felt it when the child was coming. The contraction had been the worst of them all, and it did not stop. She howled in pain, throwing curses at Fenris and the midwife. She blamed him for doing this to her, but he knew he had to be strong for her. A few times she turned right around and could only cry out his name, and the word ‘please.’

The pain was unlike anything she had ever felt, and it felt like something was burning her from the inside out, and it only dragged on. At last, she heard the midwife say ‘it’s coming.’ Beside her Fenris gripped her hand, both of them terrified at what was to come.

The fire raged on, getting hotter and hotter, tearing her apart, and with one final cry she felt a weight leave her, and the pain began to subside. Instead, a small crying noise began to fill the room. She caught her breath for a moment, relishing the sound of the baby's cries and Fenris’ tight grip on her hand.

“Congratulations, it’s a beautiful baby boy.” the midwife said, cleaning her child and handing him off to her. Hawke looked at awe at the tiny child, half Hawke and half Fenris. He had a little brown fuzz on his head, with human ears. She held him close to her chest, unable to take her eyes off of him. Overwhelmed by the idea that this was their son, she felt tears trickle down her face in happiness.

Fenris was captivated and appalled, they had a son. For once in his life, he had not taken life, but created one. The very thought of it captivated him, and he felt his steely resolve melt into happiness as he reached down and wiped Hawke’s tears with his hand, feeling tears of his own begin to form.

Hawke held him for a few moments further, cherishing the moment, then handed him to his father, who was still staring with a stunned expression. Fenris held the child in his hands, words lost in his throat. He brushed his hand along the light fuzz on his head, planting a soft kiss on his forehead before handing him back to Hawke.

She began to feed him before speaking, her voice quiet and hoarse after all the crying out and yelling.

“We should probably give him a name.”

“I don’t know many names, do you have any ideas?” Fenris asked, still feeling blissfully happy in that moment.

“I think… How about Alistair Carver Hawke?” she suggested, thinking of her brother, who had fallen during the Blight, and Alistair, without whom she would not be sharing this moment. Fenris knew this, and thought it was appropriate. A brave hero and a name from her family. He had no name to contribute, no last name or significant relative, and thought the name she had come up with was a good fit.

“I think it sounds perfect.” he said, kissing her lovingly. They were a family, and in that single moment, all was right with the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Fenhawke wedding! That was fun, as was the scene where she named her son after Alistair. Hope you have enjoyed this, and if you have, let me know in the comments, or on my tumblr, bluenerdberd. Sorry if the part with Camina and Cullen seems unresolved, I do plan to write more in the future! Update: I have started Tevinter is No Place for Children, and it is a longer work that starts after the end of Inquisition, not long after the ending of this story.


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